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Is more more?!

A note from Jen Silverstone

This past weekend, I completed the fifth module of my teacher training at Yoga Lab. It was an incredible weekend for me personally. The puzzle pieces of my journey, both spiritually and on my mat, came together in a more cohesive way than ever before. Even though, I felt that this was a pivotal time in my training, I could not help but notice that energy had shifted from pure joy to a slightly more somber tone. The chatter around the group was that this training was rapidly ending, bringing a mild depression and bittersweet feelings to the forefront. This created a tension for me, because I just didn’t feel that way. I wasn’t experiencing this let down of sorts, it wasn’t bittersweet, just sweet. I am one of three trainees that travel on an airplane for teacher training. I fly in and out of town just to be able to train within the walls of Yoga Lab. So for me, the bittersweet feelings came at the beginning. I knew from the outset, I was having a finite experience- that I was taking time away from my daughter, my husband, my dog, my friends, my job, and my home. I put most of my life on hold, so that I could give myself an incredible opportunity, and for me, a chance of a lifetime. After that first weekend, I remember feeling deeply sad that this experience would not go on forever. That in six short modules, all the travel back and forth would end, and I would complete this chapter. I pondered how many more modules would I need to feel satiated? Two more? Another six? A few hundred hours more? How many more times would I need to be at Sunday Sweat to find my best free flow? How many more connections could I make? Sassy t-shirts would I need to buy? The answer was evident. The truth is when I find something (or someone) I love- it’s never enough. I love Yoga Lab, and I’ve loved it since the moment I first practiced there years ago. But, I found liberation in this truth. My sadness that there would not be more modules or infinite practice turned into freedom. Knowing my time here was limited gave me an awareness from the beginning. I soaked it all in, as best I could. I didn’t just go through the motions of this training, I really lived it. I stayed during the breaks to connect with my fellow trainees, who became my friends, and my guides along the way. Each relationship I built shaped my experience, my self-discovery, and the work on my mat. I practiced as much as I could during the week, reinforcing the module training, experimenting with my new knowledge, and building my connections into a community. But I’ve come to learn throughout this training, that more isn’t always more. The scarcity of my experience has made it rich for me. I knew it was ending from the moment I began, and that created value. I wasn’t thinking of the next module, or next practice teach, or the next class, I stayed present enough to be the curator of my own experience. Present enough to listen, present enough to explore my body, present enough to challenge my limiting beliefs, and present enough to make connections that will last a lifetime.

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